Competing With The Church & Other Stuff!

Competing With the Church and Other Stuff!

Services, revivals, conferences, business meeting, counseling sessions, hospital visits, etc. are all appointments that appear on the calendar of our Pastor/Minister husbands (P/M H). There may be another calendar full of appointments for his personal/non-ministry related items as well. While you try to support your P/M H in all his endeavors and even accompany him on a majority of those engagements, sometimes we wonder where we fit in! There have been times I’ve even joked with my husband about being “penciled” in on his calendar. Competing with your P/M H’s schedule is a common issue related to being married to a man of the cloth and if this issue isn’t addressed I’m afraid it can cause some major problems at home. Wives who find themselves competing with the church and other stuff may become resentful and jealous towards the church and their husbands. The church and other stuff your P/M H occupies his time with, although important, may just be getting in the way of him spending quality time with you- his wife. Pastor and Pastor’s Wife Elder Debra B. Morton, wife of Bishop Paul S. Morton, authored a book entitled Help, Lord, My Husband Has Two Wives. I can’t seem to find this book in print now, but I sure would love to get my hands on it. As I can recall, the book is about the resentment Pastor Morton found herself developing for the church because it was taking her husband away from her so often. It was as if he was balancing his time between two wives: her and the church, with the church getting the most of his time.

So, what do you do when you find yourself in competition with the church and other stuff taking your husband away from spending quality time with you? Here are some helpful steps:

1. Pray: While we should always and diligently pray for our husbands, we should pray specific prayers for areas in their lives where they may be weak. So we might pray for God to help our husbands find a balance between church and family. We can also pray for ourselves that God will keep us from becoming resentful and help us with any isolation we may feel. While it’s easy for us to try to take matters in our own hands, issues like this are best resolved when God leads us and guides us on what to do. Remember the Bible reminds us to be anxious for nothing but give ourselves over to pray about everything (Philippians 4:6)!
2. Be Understanding: Most of the time it is not the intentions of our husbands to get so caught up in their callings and duties that they forget about their family. It’s just that they’re so passionate about what God has for them to do. We as wives have to be understanding of the great responsibilities our husbands have to encompass even if it means sacrificing quality time together. If we proceed to nag and complain about the time our husbands spend away from home, we may hinder them from operating at their full potential and our nagging and complaining may also keep them from wanting to come home. The Bible describes that it is better for a husband to dwell in the corner of a housetop than with a nagging wife in a big house (Proverbs 21:9)!
3. Discuss & Set Boundaries: While this step should be visited upon your husband’s acceptance of his calling and/or beginning of marriage, it often isn’t or should be reviewed more frequently. Take the time to discuss with your husband boundaries he can set so his schedule doesn’t interfere with quality family time. You may want to discuss office days and hours and vacation times your husband can set and stick to as best as possible. You may want to set boundaries regarding discussions of work at home. While it may be tempting for your husband to bring his work home, it may just be best to leave his work on the job! Finally be open for changes to occur as your husband has a unique position that requires him to be available around the clock. Remember the Bible reminds us to not get weary in doing well for in due season we will reap if we faint not (Galatians 6:9)!
4.      Be Proactive: Don’t sit around mopping about the time less spent together: take action and find ways to spend quality time with your husband! Do you accompany your husband to conferences or other out-of-town ministry engagements? Well, use that down time when he’s not preparing of course, to plan something special. Better yet, stay an extra day after and enjoy the city/town you’re in together! Since his weekends are pretty full, why not plan a weekday outing? Or do like I plan to do and wisk him off for a weekend getaway. I’m sure another willing minister will stand proxy for your husband those few days. While you may have to plan unconventional moments around your husband’s schedule, it can be done! Remember the Bible talks about husbands and wives not depriving each other of intimate times except in times of prayer and fasting, after which, they should come back together quickly to diffuse any plots of the enemy (1 Corinthians 7:5)!

More Posts Coming...

Praise the Lord Ladies <insert praise here>! 

I know it has been a loooooooooooooooong time since I've posted to this blog and I do apologize for  the neglect! In addition to life being busy, God has been busy with me. He's been shaping, molding, purging, cutting back and cutting off in and through me. And the journey is not complete. He is making me into what he wants me to be! While a lot of this transformation doesn't feel good, believe me, it's all good because when I come out, I'll be so much stronger, wiser, better (come on Marvin Sapp)!! In the midst of this extreme makeover I've been directed to deactivate some activities and to reactivate some activities. I had to deactivate my Facebook account, deactivate my beauty blog, deactivate my mind, and deactivate my heart! I have to reactivate my Word life, my prayer life, and my devotional life to God so he can continue to do a good work in me. He has a great task for me to do and it's going to take my total devotion to him in order to accomplish the goal. So, I'm going to let you in on this journey with me and prayerfully it will help you also. As we're all on a journey to greatness...so stay tuned!!

A Moment of Inspiration: Find Your Way Back

Hey Beauties- so I've been slacking in offering you inspirational posts! And in the day and time we're living in...we need some inspiration! How easy is it for us to get caught up or lost in life's circumstances and tragedies; dramas and upheavals; disappointments and losses, only to realize we've eased away from God and the assignment He has for our lives. Ever felt unfulfilled, uninspired, or you just didn't give a darn- yep I said darn! You just merely existed, carrying on in life like a robot- doing your everyday routine, but not really accomplishing nothing! Have you ever cried out to God but it seemed like He had put your supplications in an automated messaging system and He hadn't yet gotten back to you? What an empty and lonely feeling, especially if you've ever encountered his presence! Well, I've been there and I'm sure you have too, if you're not there now and I'm here to encourage myself and you in the Lord!

So, what's the solution? How can you find that fulfillment, peace, and joy that you once had? Well, I'm glad you asked, because it's so simple and the answer is well within your reach: look up! Yep, look up! Look up and realize you're not alone! Look up and realize God is and has been right there all along! You couldn't see him, because you've had your head hung down and with a hung down head you drag your hope and will down also! But let me remind you to always look up to Jesus who is the author and finisher of your faith! Let me also remind you to look to the hills- that's where all your help comes from. God promised he would never leave you nor forsake you! He'll be there to the end because he sticks closer than a brother! In other words, when you find you've lost your place in this world, find your way back to him!

First Lady/Elect Lady Duties

It is often asked of me what my duties or responsibilities as First Lady/Elect Lady (FL/EL) are. Well my answer may differ from another FL/EL as I feel ones duties and responsibilites are more than likely established by ones Pastor/Husband, based on ones gifts, talents, and abilities given by Holy Spirit. Some FL/EL prefer to be very active in ministry and their duties/responsibilities can range from Women's Department Leader to Assistant or Co-Pastor. Some FL/EL prefer to be less active in ministry and is content with just supporting their Pastor/Husband and participating in a few church ministries. 

My personal opinion and/or advice to a FL/EL who may be perplexed about this subject is to allow God and ones Pastor/Husband to lead & guide you. God created you and He knows what's in you and your Pastor/Husband should recognize the potentials you have within you and encourage you to use them for the Kingdom. It will take some time to develop and establish yourself, but don't fret, in due season you will be operating and flowing in those duties and responsibilities as if you hit the door running from day one. Bottom line, be yourself and don't let anyone define you or pressure you into being someone or something you're not! Operating in that vain will only lead to you becoming resentful of the church and ministry.

I will say that a FL/EL should always have the task of praying for her Pastor/Husband and the church. She should be willing to listen, give sound spiritual advice, and love unconditionally as Christ does! She should be willing to lend a helping hand to those in need, provide comfort to those who are hurting, and encouraging to those in dispair. She should be mindful that she is representing Christ, her Pastor/Husband, and the church. She should teach and encourage the saints to worship and praise the Lord. Most importantly, she should have a committed personal relationship with the Lord, exemplified by a consistent prayer, Word, and Holy lifestyle. Everything else will fall into place if those fundamental foundations are established first!

What is your opnion and/or advice regarding this subject? How were your duties and responsibilities established for you?

Extra Extra...Read all about it!

It is always my pleasure to bring you exciting offers. I love to share great ideas and deals, especially when they're tailor made with us PWs in mind. I am a part of a blog called The Pastor's Wife Speaks. This blog offers encouragement and empowerment and has gives PWs a platform to display their many gifts and talents. The blog owner, a published author, is giving, yes giving away her latest book in ebook form- how awesome is that! Her name is Jennifer AlLee and the title of the book is The Pastor's Wife. I will be reading this book and doing a review here on my blog, but in the meantime, check out this link to get your very own copy today. 

More Posts Coming Soon!

First off, I see we have a follower, hey Patricia, so glad you've stopped by! She faithfully serves an awesome First Lady here in my local area: Pastor Ressie Sharpe of Newness of Life Christian Center in Tarboro, NC! 

So, I apologize for my lack of posts here on this blog. I was so busy with school, work, home, church, and my other many endeavors! But I'm so happy that school is done and I'll be taking off from that for a while, so I'll have time to tend to this blog more. Great things are about to be unfolded with this blog as well as locally so be on the look out and pass the word about this blog!

Whew...

...I'm tired! Not to complain or anything, but so much has been going on since the first of the year! I do apologize for the lack in posting however keeping up with my duties as a wife (pw), mother, employee with a new position, school, church, a move, two blogs, youtube channel, and facebook page can be quite overwhelming.

The word for today is BALANCE! People often say, "I don't know how you do it." I can't begin to take credit for any of the strength, grace, mercy, and support God provides for me- it's all HIM!! I do have a great support system in first of all my husband. Since he doesn't work a traditional 9-5 like I do, he is more flexible in assisting me with a lot of things. Also, my mother-in-law and other in-laws for that matter offer as much support as they can. Finally and on occasion, the wonderful church family God has given us also chip in if we ask them (which isn't much)! So we're blessed.

Still, my house can be more organized and tided. I'm barely making some school assignment deadlines. The hubby and kids have mentioned at times that I spend less time with them. So how do I balance it all? How do you balance it all? What do you do when there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to accomplish all you set out to do? Join in this discussion and share your little balancing act secrets.